Little Miss Muffet

Archive for November 2010

I am an ammidyphobic, meaning I have a great fear of losing a loved one over death.

My jolly and go happy personality is threatened by this. The best defense mechanism I can throw is by keeping silent. But that just worsens it. I hate seeing hospital beds. I hate walking through a hospital’s hallway. I hate seeing an oxygen tank. I hate seeing patient suffers.

More than a year have passed ever since my mom left us. I’m not yet over.BarelySlowly but surely.

2009.

I saw my mom suffer. Tiring trips to the hospital. Kazillions of medicines to take. Oxygen tank.

I hate seeing her cry because of the pain.

I hate seeing her suffer.

Maybe God really has a purpose of taking her. I have to look at the bright side… she’s now resting. I guess she’s now smiling and laughing the way she did when I was a little kid or even before the sickness took over her.

Cancer is such an ugly thing. But Cancer can never take away my mom’s memories and her courage.

I love you, mom. You are a strong woman, mom. You fought until the very end. Have a nice rest. I know you’re watching over us. How I wish I could tell you stories. I know you’d be happy to hear them.

To everyone who’s reading this… hug your mom. Tell her you love her. Don’t waste any time. Life is short. It’s up to us to make the most out of it.

 

Ang mangarap ng gising ay isang “defense mechanism” ng mga tao kung gusto nila makatakas kahit sandali sa masalimuot na realidad ng buhay. Ito ang nagbibigay sa kanila ng panandaliang kasiyahan kung saan mararanasan nila ang kaginhawaan kahit sa pagpapantasya man lang. Kagaya ng lahat ng bagay sa mundo, ang mangarap ng gising ay hindi masama, wag lang ito sumobra. Paano nga ba ito makasasama kung ito ay sumobra? Kung ito ay ang magiging dahilan sa pagtakas mula sa inyong problema. Nararapat na ito ay harapin. Sasama rin ito kapag ika’y nabubuhay sa iniisip mong  mga pangarap. Nararapat na ikaw ay may gawin upang ito ay matupad.

 

Masama ang mangarap ng gising kung ito mismo ay iyong magiging buhay. Dapat malaman natin ang kaibahan ng realidad sa pantasya.

//This one’s for my Philippine Literature paper. 🙂

Totoo.

At alam kong alam niyo rin yan.

Bakit?

Kasi kapag pumili ka, sigurado naman na may sasalo sayo. Kahit isa sa mga pinagpipilian mo. Kampante ka. Syempre, mahirap. Pero aminin mo na, OO, MAS MADALI YAN KAYSA UMASA.

Bakit?

Kasi kapag umasa ka, hindi mo alam kung may sasalo nga ba sayo. HINDI MO ALAM KUNG ANO KA NGA BA TALAGA SA KANIYA. Hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar.Pwede kang magselos, pwede kang kiligin, pwede mo siyang makasama, pwede kang maging masaya kapag kasama siya… pero hanggang dun na lang ‘yun. HANGGANG DUN NA LANG MUNA. Mapapaisip ka, ano nga ba ako sa kaniya? May pag-asa ba talaga ako katulad ng pinaparamdam niya?

The hardest part of this whole situation is that neither of us knows what’s going on. Neither of us knows what each other’s thinking and we’re both trying to make decisions based on information we don’t know. I’m scared to tell you my feelings just in case you don’t feel the same way.

I hate seeing one of my best friends sad because of a situation like this. Why? Because I know it exactly feels.

I experienced this not so long ago.

Believe me, it sucks. It may leave you sleepless for night, day dreaming for days and you may end up dreaming of what should be or what is happening.

It’s hard, ‘cause you don’t know who are you in his life. You would start asking questions to yourself, “Is he really like that to other girls?”, “Is this normal?”, “Why is he toooo sweet to me?” and other confusing questions because of your situation.

Rule number one: NEVER EXPECT. NEVER ASSUME.

Girls, less expectation, less disappointment.

Rule number two: TAKE TIME TO KNOW HIM.

It never hurts to know him a little more. You would surely discover if he’s treating you differently.

Rule number three: DON’T FALL (yet)

It’s hard. Trust me. Never fall for someone. He may not catch you.

So take your time to know him and don’t ever expect something if you’re not sure what you are to him. Don’t fall if you’re not sure if he’ll catch you. But then again, if you have the courage to open up your feelings to him, why not? Just think that over and over and over (to the nth) again before doing this. It’s toooooo risky. Trust me. If things go out pretty well, you could end up like me. :)I never knew I would fall for this boy. This random boy from our batch. Who was he anyway before I got to know him? He was just a contestant in the pageant I joined. And now? He’s everything I want and need.

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Oh, please. No red light. I want to go home now. NOW. NOW.

*Jeepney stops*

Dang. So much for wishing.

As he stepped into the jeepney, as if by any chance, he was just waiting for it stop so he could enter, I smelled the sampaguita and saw the envelopes he was giving the people before me.

He gave me one.

I looked at it and a lot of thoughts came rushing in my mind. It was almost 7:00PM. He should be at home, resting or studing for school tomorrow. But, no. He was here at the streets. He was making a way to earn some money for his family. It’s been a normal scene in the Philippines to see children begging for food or money. Even though if we want to give something to them, we can’t. Why? We’re not even sure if it is for his or her family.

I wondered about his parents. Do they know about this? Or rather, what are they doing while their son is working here at the street?

As he took the empty envelope away from me, I looked at him. His eyes were dull. I looked away immediately. As the jeepney started to move again, I thought of this–

Apathy. A normal emotion for anyone who would experience this.

Even for me.

I guess we’re no better than his parents.

HIGH SCHOOL ISN’T ABOUT FINDING THE PERFECT HUSBAND.IT’S ABOUT FINDING THE PERFECT BRIDESMAIDS.

True. These are my favorite girls. I had a chance to spend time with them again after how many months. We’re in right college now, our schedules aren’t the same as before but that’s not stopping us to be like what we used to be.

I miss high school. I miss the feeling that they’re always there by yourside. Every morning, I know I’ll see them at the park. Every after class, I know I’ll see them outside the hallway or the lobby. Every after dismissal, I know I’ll see them at the covered court.

I miss their long warm hugs.

I miss our crazy moments.

I miss everything.

I miss them.

They’re like my second family. They’re my sisters. They exactly know how to make me feel loved, how to make me feel happy and how to make me feel the best. I swear they could make me smile even without doing anything.  I love them. And how I wish we could be just like before. I know we’re busy right now, but there’s still this tiny hope we would be able to catch up with each and every one of us.

I had fun with Sai’s debut. High school really never ends.

 

Due to excessive boredom and some resting after the heavy meal, I am now typing in my awesome Notepad. I can’t write any blog entry when I’m not typing here. Srsly. Who else? IDK. Am I weird or what? So this entry is about HOW TO DEAL WITH HATERS 101.

Haters are:

  • jealous bitches who can’t accept the fact that you’re awesome;
  • backstabbers/backfighters—- they may even be one of your “friends”;
  • confused admirers who have no idea why you’re awesome so they have no choice but to hate you;
  • judgemental people who base the “YOU” in some second hand passed information (mostly from the cyberworld);
  • people who are good in telling stories. They will do anything just to make you feel they’re the most intelligent people in Earth. They also like to tell lies so you’ll feel inferior. LOL;
  • pathetic creatures who take advantage of ANONYMITY;
  • loves to watch your every move;
  • people who will always try to redeem themselves ALL THE TIME. They will try to contradict every word you’ll say;

How to deal with them:

IGNORE EVERY HATE MAIL. After all, ignorance is bliss. Once you reply, it’s a never ending cycle. She’ll just reply and reply until you get pissed off or get tired.

WE ARE ALWAYS BETTER THAN THEM. 🙂


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Retro Shot. Jeco Olimpo 2010 (c)

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